Due to my current working conditions, it’s been requested that I stay in Los Angeles until the end of today’s working hours. Therefore, henceforth, I shall be working today, in the city of angeles on things commercial. Once the clock strikes 11:30p, I’ll be on a plane across plains. A red-eye will take me to the land I once called home. Today is my last working day of 2011.

I look forward to time with family, friends, and the town of Sioux, of which I grew. I have great hope for 2012: A New Chapter.

Sounds like a feel good movie starring Julia Roberts.

The author writes the words.

The auteur crafts the picture from beginning to end.

The author creates a world in your mind.

The auteur creates the world you see.

The author fills the pages with thoughts, words, deeds, actions. . .

The auteur fills your head with images of his design.

I’ve been thinking about who I spend my time with–both physically and mentally. I’m on a computer all day at work. I’m creating commercial content for TV and consuming content on the internet. I’m very consistent with a few blogs. I have a bead on what people are saying about things. But when it comes to the people that I spend time with, I feel like it’s not my choice. Yea, I choose to go to church. I choose to go to work. I choose to go to the gym. I choose a lot of activities, but I don’t often choose the people that are there with me. I get this a lot when I’m reading online at work. I’ll be reading an article and in the middle I’ll be aghast at what I’m reading. “Why am I reading this? Did I choose this?” In that space, when I’m not sure about it, I usually jump off onto something else–I’ll choose to do something else.

A good friend shared something with me a few weeks ago, “You choose where you are. You are where you are and you chose to be there.” This is very much in the same line as It Is What It Is. Which, if I’m perfectly honest, drives me nuts. That’s like saying, black is black, everything is what it is. But the implied philosophical implications of that 5 word sentence is infuriating. It makes me think that everyone has descended to fatalism. Well, you can’t change them, that’s just the way they are. They are what they are. That sounds racist. That’s how I feel when people say those horrible 5 words in a row.

But if we have a choice in matters, then maybe those 5 words aren’t so horrible. (I’m not a fan still. I can’t argue myself into liking them. Deal with that.)

We choose, I still believe that. So what? Well, in reference to friends and people, we choose. I invite input and I ignore unwanted input. Sometimes it’s hard to ignore unwanted input, but I’d like to suggest you always have a choice. That’s what makes this whole darn experiment so compelling. People, I, Me, You, can choose to do the right thing or not. We can choose to do everything or nothing.

I ran into an old friend and it really shook me up. It was so hard to not revert into childlike hatred for his existence. But I have a choice. I can choose to let that stuff bother me, or I can let it roll off.

I can hear the peanut gallery now. I can’t choose what affects me and what doesn’t. You may be right, but what if you’re not? If you did have the ability to let it not bother you, would you? Would you rather be a drama king and fluster and buster for a week while the world keeps on spinning regardless of your emotional health? Is it easier, nay, is it more fun to be the guy who has a beef with the other guy and he can’t stop talking about it? Is it more fun to rally the troops around you and prove how much better you are than that rat? It’s more fun. It’s a lot more entertaining for me.

But it’s not good. It creates situations where you don’t deal with your shit. It creates problems around problems, so when the created symptoms are corrected, the disease is still present. If you’re always making more problems and drama then you’re likely to never deal with what’s driving you crazy. You can be so far down the hole of spirals, that when you do start making better choices, it can feel like you’re not making any progress. It can feel like you’re just spinning your wheels.

“Everyone always knows what’s wrong with their drawing.” A teaching artist shared this with me. How often do you stop and ask what’s wrong with your drawing? How much time do I spend correcting and working on this one finger to realize that I need to erase the whole darn hand and start again. I get so invested in wrong thinking that it drives me to keep it up, for the sake of history. I’ve done it like this for so long, why change now! Why not change now? Why not take up a new thing and rock it better than you ever have. Erase that and start again. It’s okay. Nobody has it all figured out. If you think they do, just ask them what part of their drawing isn’t working.